crit 01: strangers like me

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Author: Saffa/SheBangsTheDrums
Link: Strangers Like Me
Written by Taylor, 08/25/10

Strangers Like Me is a story, with only a chapter to date, that revolves around one girl whose main purpose in life is to disturb the peace. The summary that is paired with this particular story reads like an excerpt from a chapter, but the small problem with the summary is that it does not drag in readers and make then yearn for more. It reveals a short piece of what may be to come, but what exactly does it mean? It is slightly confusing and isn’t very well rounded, in that it doesn’t provide a picture of what the story is about. A good piece of advice is to have a summary that will hook readers, give them a taste of what is to come in the story, and make the reader want to continue and wait for updates. There isn’t much ‘hooking’ being done in the summary and that is a main problem with a lot of young writers. They take advantage of the summary.

The story then takes full flight with a one-sentence paragraph, which is a bit a pet peeve on my end. And then in the next sentence, there is a grammatical and punctuation error. In this particular story, that one sentence at the beginning attaches directly to the next line, yet there is a giant space in between the two. As long as a sentence is dramatic enough, it can hold its own in a paragraph. It doesn’t need the extra space to be emphasised. I would suggest removing that giant hole in the document and just attach the two together. Because “Not during my mothers pregnancy, and not even during snack time in class” probably could not stand a lone, because what is the sentence saying ‘not’ to? The two sentence are used together, and maybe only the first sentence could stand alone.

As for the grammar and punctuation, it is easily fixed by a Beta reader or an extra set of eyes. Even the best writers miss their own mistakes on a page or a document. But if they aren’t caught all the time, they can pose a problem for the picky reader (or me). Luckily for Saffa, there doesn’t seem to be many other large mechanical errors following that one mistake.

The only chapter written has a well-developed voice of the main character, Liam, who is witty, sarcastic, and very humorous when it comes to her community. Each character is introduced through her eyes (and her opinion) which aids in shaping Liam as well as the other characters. The writing is light but full of well-written ideas and comments that are thought out, opposed to dumb and overused (like some writers do when they try to be ‘witty’). Never is it overdone, and each comment seems to flow into the other. It is written very well from the first person point of view and honestly, it is interesting to read.

There are minimal problems with this story, most concerning the summary and a few mechanical errors. Perhaps if Saffa really wanted to, she could go through and work on a couple sentences to make them flow better. This story is still young and has those little glitches that most stories do, but the first chapter does well in kicking off the story, and what will come next will hopefully live up to my expectations.

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Alyssa
the rex;@mibba

"Writing…is my life. I love writing so much that I tend to disregard everything else that’s happening in the world just to spend time with myself and my characters. Sometimes I wish I could be “normal” and then I realize that being who I am, and what I am, makes me special because, if I think really hard on it, I know myself. I know every little thing that there is to know about me because tiny bits of my persona are in every last stinking one of my characters. I’ve been wounded with very few negative comments and have grown from them, maturing as both a person and a writer. There’s no substitute for the rush of getting comments on a story, or the serenity of being alone with people that aren’t real. I know that I have potential; I just really want other people to see it too."

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